Our house is turning into a slum! Supportive evidence:

1) Last night I was all excited to try out the new bathtub drain-stopper I had purchased so I could finally take my first ever bath in our house since we moved here in September. But the goddamn drain-stopper-thingy didn’t fit, because our bathtub was built by elves with tiny hands. So, what did I do? I duct-taped the drain and took my f*cking bath.

2) Our dog is farting as I type. Baaad, nasty-ass, foul-stenched farts – and then she comes around all cute-faced begging for affection right afterwards, like she doesn’t know the hell she just let rip. Bitch.

The thing is, I’m not even that disgruntled as I write this – but I wanted my goddamn bath so I took it, but my roommate and my other roommate’s boyfriend made fun of me. And she is a bitch; she’s a dog who is female and who farts like frickin’ Satan’s great aunt.

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