Manly Wrists and Apple Watch

Manly Wrists and Apple Watch

I have the opposite problem from most of you women in tech.

I listen to Christina Warren and Serenity Caldwell and Joanna Stern talk about how excited they are that Apple is making a smaller size smartwatch face. Their wrists are tiny and dainty, and a giant 42mm face would look stupid on them. Hooray for 38mm options! Hooray for the lovely modern buckle! Hooray for girly smartwatches that fit tiny fairy wrists! Hooray for Apple “getting” it!

Here’s the thing—I have man hands.

Bossypants, Manlyhands.

Okay, they’re not exactly like Tina Fey’s book cover here—I have a little less hair going on, and my nails are painted, and I wear intricate wedding rings. But I’ve always had larger hands and particularly wrists than most women. I can’t wear any bracelets that are designed to just be slipped on, because I can’t make my hand tiny enough to get them over the thumb bump (technical term).

I haven’t actually gotten to try on Apple Watch, but I’ve played around with paper prototypes and checked out other smartwatches in the world. I *like* bigger watch faces. They make it easier for my giant fingers to deal with tiny touch targets and buttons and, I presume, a Digital Crown. I like a smartwatch to give me the largest amount of manipulation and display space (not to mention battery life) possible.

What I’m saying is, I only want the bigass watch, even though I’m a relatively heteronormative lady. So while I’m excited about Apple Watch, I’m very disappointed that most of the “girly” options don’t come in my size.

Now, I’m not rich. I haven’t even fully decided if I can justify a cheap-ass comparatively ugly Sport watch yet, but let’s pretend that I have oodles of money. I want to deck my giant but still feminine wrists out with the most attractive, fashion-forward version of Apple Watch that I possibly can.

Let’s start at the more accessible price point, the stainless steel “Watch” watch. The band I like best is Modern Buckle. The color I like best is soft pink.

Watch watch with soft pink classic buckle band, 38mm

Guess what size it fits? 38mm only. Same with the navy classic leather band and the brown classic leather band, in case you were wondering. The thickest part of my wrist, with the bony-ass bump, is exactly 170 mm. I can thankfully wear either size of classic buckle leather band, if I’m willing to compromise on the smaller face size, which I’m not.

Now let’s look to the fancypants Edition edition. My next choice would be red band with yellow gold face. The gorgeous red leather modern buckle band only comes in smaller sizes which might not fit me, and it only fits the smaller 38mm face. My theoretical millions and I have to pass. Sigh, what a shame.

Edition edition with red modern buckle band, 38mm

And if I wanted the Rose Gold with Rose Gray (?), which is also stunning? Also only available in the 38mm, and I actually worry that the largest possible band size might not fit my wrists. (It says the modern buckle size L goes up to 180 mm, but I’m nervous. Most ladies’ stuff in a “large” doesn’t fit me. I have reason to be nervous, until I can try the thing on.) I have to pass on this beauty too. Sigh.

Edition edition rose gold with rose gray (?) modern buckle band, 38mm

If I *did* want to go all out and get a larger face 42mm Edition in either color, I’m stuck with the garish, tacky, sweaty, cheap plastic band. (I don’t care what Tim Cook called the thing, it’s made from fossil fuels and it looks like crap to me in every color.) I can’t even handle sullying a gorgeous watch face with a shitty band like this, even though Apple seems to think it’s totally fine:

The horrible compromise that would allow me a large face Edition edition.

I get that this is an early launch, and that third party options haven’t hit the market yet. I get that I (a cisgendered woman who happens to be six feet tall with bigger-than-average wrists) will likely have to order bands made for men/unisex sizes. I get that Apple is breaking ground by offering some stuff that fits the girly girls, even if it doesn’t happen to fit me personally.

But what of the trans women, who want girly fashion that fits all wrist sizes? What of the geeky girls like me who want a bigger screen to see their cool new tech on? What of hardcore vegan women who want a girly-feeling band for their expensive Editions, but are loathe like me to slap on a cheap-by-comparison fluorelastilame band and ruin the whole look?

I’m glad y’all are excited. I am too in theory. But I can’t wait for this to be  a more robust product lineup, with a truly diverse array of fashion, size, and color options. If you see me in the wild with a garish pink cheap plastic band on a Sport edition, please don’t compliment me on it. Now you know that my inner fashionista secretly hates everything about it.

 

P.S. Apple’s official sizing guide and Louis Mantia’s chart were both helpful in creating this whiny post. All product images come from Apple, except Tina Fey’s book, which is totally an Amazon affiliate link because why not.