Jeepers creepers. So I work in a smallish mostly female law firm, and there’s a lotta femi-drama that goes on. I mean, of the catty soap operatic sort. Some might say it’s unfair for me to call it as such, and I’m sure to some degree said felinity will lessen now that one of the worst partners in this respect has left the firm, but still – the claws do occasionally come out. And while I have a very low threshold of stupid girl-bullshit tolerance, I can’t help but try and, well, put certain cats in their place when they swipe at me. What can I say – it’s my dogma, to try and put out fires instead of just blowing on the coals – but anywho. Case in point:
So this one chick in my firm who for ever and ever referred to herself as “Senior Paralegal” even though, technically, she sort of crowned her fucking SELF with that title, basically staged a coup and got herself crowned Office Manager a year or so ago. Actually I have no idea how long ago. Not yesterday, but she wasn???t the office manager when I started nearly two years ago. But I digress. SO anywho ??? Miss Queen Bitch of the Office (she really is; this isn???t me being catty, just honest. I???ll write in little cat-noises or pawprint emoticons or something when I???m being catty (I lie; I will NEVER use anything called an ???emoticon???, I hope)) is in charge of making sure everyone???s set for our Secret Santa gift exchange we do every year. Well, I got the name of a partner that I???m friendly with (let???s call her L), who happens to be my roommate???s old boss (the one I lost the duel to, for you longtime faithful imaginary readers) so I was pleased about that because I knew that between me and roomie, I???d be able to come up with a great gift idea.
Well Miss Queenie sent around an office-wide email asking whoever had L to swap with her since she had something specific she wanted to get L. An accessory for some tacky ugly fake plant she???d already bought L, or something. So anywho, here???s my train of thought (NOW I???m being catty):
1) I drew her name, not you, deal with it.
2) If you???re so intent on getting L a gift, just get it for her anyway, Secret Santa or not.
3) What if I have something specific that I wanted to get her too? Huh?
Needless to say, I didn???t reply to her Inter Office Memo. (???I didn???t get the memo??? was going to be my line). Well, she emailed about it AGAIN today! And again, I didn???t reply. My plan is the good ole Third Time???s A Charm: when she asks again, by then I plan to have already bought L a great gift, so I can say oh sorry, I didn???t reply because we can???t switch; I already got her gift. SORRYYYY!!!xoxoxo
(See, I TOLD you I was being catty now).
So, good plan, eh?