“Friendly” junk mail

Junk mail has reached a new level. I’m kind of blown away that things like those unsolicited Val Pak coupon mailers are still out there, when pretty much everyone has a) email and b) recycling bins. But what’s really ticked me off lately is the number of junk mailers masquerading as real correspondence.

Check out the image of our address on a recent Discover Card something-or-other. The fake-handwriting font was so good it actually fooled me until I opened the envelope. And I almost NEVER read my mail anymore, except for handwritten things (and our friggin’ cable bill, because Broadstripe doesn’t even have the capacity for any sort of online billing. Sometimes you can’t even use their phone system to pay. But that’s beside the point.)

This is only one example of recent fake-writing mailers we’ve seen. And inevitably, when I tear open the envelope and figure out that it’s NOT REAL MAIL, my first emotion is infuriation. The last thing I want to do is support a company that tricked me into thinking I had some nice old-fashioned correspondence from a friend or relative (or at least a really motivated political candidate).

Rrr! It’s bad enough that you’re still sending me paper trash that I can’t even recycle easily, since it contains sensitive information that needs to be shredded. Do you really have to get my hopes up and then crush them, too? Fuck you, Discover! (And Chase, and American Express, and all you other assholes who try to trick me and occasionally succeed.) If this is some ploy to try and get me to use your cards, it’s not really working for ya. In fact, I have no idea how I’m even on your mailing list.


  1. Ha – nice rant! I agree, the fake machine-generated “handwriting” is below-the-belt on the marketers’ part, I’ve thought that myself.

    The only thing that makes me feel better about direct mail marketing is *ACTION* – every time I get a credit card offer (which I don’t anymore, since I signed up for the “do-not-send-unsolicited-credit-offers list” – that really works, and I recommend it highly!) or other junk mail that contains a prepaid return envelope – I take all of the paper, including the original mailing envelope, stuff it in the return envelope and put it right back in the mailbox. Other than annoying some $8/hr clerk opening these things, I’m probably not accomplishing much but it makes me feel much better about the situation.

  2. Hah! I’m totally going to start doing that!

    The crappy thing is, I signed up for that no-credit-card list, and I’m on a no junk mail one too. As is my boyfriend. And we still get more fake offers than real pieces of mail. :(

    But I’m going to start returning them all like you do — that sounds like a fun way to make me feel better, and at least it uses up their bulk-paid postage. Good idea! >:)

  3. Yea I got tired of the credit offers also. I sign up at myjunktree.com and not only did I get the credit card offers to stop I got about 90% of my junk maail stop too and that including the charitie. A great site!

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