Open storage is stupid.

There, I said it. People, unless you actually live inside of a Martha Stewart catalog, quit ripping off the doors to your cabinets! Even if you have nice fancy dishes like we do after our wedding, the reality of your chipped plates and old spice jars just isn’t that dazzling to look at. The inside of the cabinets are usually an awkwardly different color than the outside. Seeing the exposed shelf holes and pegs is silly. Sometimes the trends must be resisted, fellow home décor nerds! The ever-popular open isn’t the way to go in this case. Admit it. Your artfully styled Ikea Expedit is fine and all in your living room or office, but your kitchen cabinets should remain bedoored.

In Real Life, open shelving never looks like this for more than six hours*:

Open shelving is way, way more likely to end up looking like one of these:

See? It’s impossible** and you should just give up now. OK, to be fair, that one in the middle is a junk drawer, not shelving. To be more specific, that is my junk drawer, so it’s extra junky. But still. That cabinet on the left end, the one that looks sort of okay yet chaotic? That is AS GOOD AS IT GETS, people, unless you are the sort of person who already has a regular housekeeper and even then. And those pseudo-intentionally open shelves on the left? That is also MAXIMUM STYLITUDE in a reality setting.

Like, you know how the oils from cooking dissipate into this weird kind of sticky residue that’s ridiculously hard to get off of your cabinet doors and glass spice jars and whatnot? Yeah, well, that’ll be all over your EVERYTHING (including glassware) if you opt for all open storage. If you’re a green nerd, you’ll be all self-conscious when your husband buys a fugly box of Stouffer’s or whatever that peeks right on out that open cabinet (you know, hypothetically). You’ll run out of attractive airtight glass containers and be annoyed at your plastic twist-tied-closed bag of bulk lentils which is now on prime display. Your cat will have easy access to catnip.

So if you’re still truly desperate for the open-ness, do the whole partially glass cabinet thing or maybe this weird chickenwire thing. Trust me, it may seem like more of a pain to hack the middle of your cabinet than to just remove the door entirely and burn it in a celebratory bonfire of fleeting trends, but keeping at least the door frame is better in the long run. And mark my words: the best choice of all is just not f—ing up your perfectly nice solid wood OPAQUE cabinet doors in the first place. You’ll thank me in three to seven years when all your DIY-wild friends are envious of your normal, put-together, non-sabotaged kitchen. I promise.

*Subtract twenty minutes for each household member under twenty-three years of age, and seven minutes for each pet that is allowed to roam your house freely. Pretty soon you’ll be in the red.

**If you think I’m totally wrong and you live a normal person life and manage to have stunning open cabinetry in your kitchen, like my awesome neighbor Faith who seems to be able to tackle anything in the world, PLEASE leave a comment with a link to a photo of your kitchen. If possible please also include your blood type and zodiac sign (Vedic, Chinese, and western) and the name of your hairdresser and your college degrees and minors if applicable and a summary of any therapy you’ve ever been in, so we can all learn from you. Fine, link your Tumblr too if you must. Thanks!