That’s what’s going as the slogan on my next business card. Possibly sub “Extraordinaire” for “since 1981”; haven’t decided on that part yet.
So, how’s my last week going, you all ask? Slowly. And yes, I realize that it is Monday, as I write this. But the good part is, I’ve managed to capitalize on as much as I can in the remaining time: I royally pissed off the bitchiest, most annoying person in the office in one of the aforementioned fights, so she no longer tries to talk to me at all and vice versa, which is I think how we both prefer it, so that’s nice. And the other person I had a mad fight with is now ridiculously apologetic and kissing my ass, which is nice because I can milk this to take as long as I see fit to roll over my new 401(k). And of my buddy-buddy coworkers, well, one has worked out with me a system by which we call each other whenever we have to go to the bathroom (our floor’s bathrooms are being repaired right now so we currently have to commute to another floor) so we can work in our gossip breaks then, since we’ve been too busy to do so otherwise. And my other buddy-buddy coworker, who is pregnant, has given me the BEST GIFT OF ALL. What is that gift, you ask? Permission…. to lay the smack down to our boss.
See, our boss has been guilt-tripping her about the fact that she’ll be taking maternity leave for the bundle of joy-I-mean-financial-hardship that she’s going to be having in Septemberish. And well, the associate attorney having to leave because of his father being diagnosed with a terminal disease, well, what with the Acts of God this was not a great time for Virginia to be quitting, as I am reminded at least thrice daily. And given the incredible expense of THREE transitioning employees within the same six month period, well, our boss has been bitching a lot about how expensive it’ll be. Specifically, she’s been bitching to my pregnant coworker about how much it’ll cost to replace her during maternity leave. Which, as it turns out, is illegal. But since preggers needs to keep up as good a working relationship as she can while she’s still here, well, Ms. Virginia “Blaze Of Glory” Culler is taking the reins… and is going to casually bring to her employer’s attention the fact that all the bitching, manipulating and guilt-tripping of the pregnant employee is in fact in violation of Washington Administrative Code, which will be so great, because I can’t tell you how good it feels to beat someone at their own game, even if you were fed the winning answers by a lady and her as of yet unborn fetus. This should be fun!